You will notice I stopped the lyrics after two lines. It turns out I never inspected the lyrics of the song until revisiting it. Trying to not listen to the lyrics of a song is like trying to not think of that topless scene of Phoebe Cates from ‘Fast Times at Ridgemont High’ literally all the time. These things simply cannot be pushed out of one’s mind. Not hearing communication you are actively engaged in isn't possible, no matter how hard I try.

To illustrate my upcoming points, allow me to continue the next few lines of the song:

I could have told you, he was much older

So much older than you

-skip-

Now you've been burned just like I said you would

-skip-

You must read in-between the lines

A message you will see

If you use your mind, you'll find

I want you back with me

If Squall were here, he would say "..."

These are cleary the lyrics of a chad beyond comprehension. He knows not of subtlety. Instead of asking how she is, or making an effort for her to want to return to him, this stud declares spitefully: "I told you so". Twice. Clearly I've been approaching interactions with women all wrong, and have a lot to learn.

Women, according to this playboy, find romance hidden between lines of alternating bitterness and resentment. Oh yeah, just a reminder to 'use your mind', sweetheart whom I most definitely respect. While I'm being dramatic, the guy in this song undoubtably qualifies as what the kids today would call a 'simp'. However, this isn't even the biggest sin the song commits...

Melodic Nonsense Syllables

I don't get it. Lots of people openly dislike scat. I'm of two minds on the matter. I'm really not ever trying to listen to it, honestly. I can respect it though. I helped mix a jazz combo's performance at a local college and it looked like some dang hard work to bop-doo-wop like these kids did. Improvisation is not easy! Yet hating on scat is.

What I can't comprehend is why it's perfectly acceptable for a band - with preparation - to go into the studio and write a whole section of bop-bop’s or na-na’s or doowop-bingdiddly's. I find this nonsensical, low effort, and complete musical garbage. I don't think it almost ever sounds good, and permits me to consider that the artist didn't really care. I would prefer nothing instead, with just the instrumentation.

If I could put it simply: If I were told to sing "Bop-bop-doowop, a-bop-bop-doowop" into a microphone, I would call my non-existent agent and ask whats going on, because I’m legally not allowed around children and am apparently on the set of a Nick Jr show.

I just struggle to take it seriously. I realize someone felt it sounded good, and that’s cool. Yet I fear the nonsense-singing of this past decade will sound like the oldies that feature it do now. (Listen to the precise enuciation on Along Comes Mary by The Association when they actually say "Bop-doo-wah". It hurts.)

In college, initially I celebrated my treasured house music being elevated to the mainstream. Then all the songs developed a 'woo-ooo-ooo' chorus... grinding my soul - which at that point in my life already consisted of crushed up, sand-sized granules - into a dusty, snort-able powder.

Unfortunately, this song - I'm still speaking of Dear Eloise, I have to remind myself - is a particularly egregious example in laziness, length of the section, and silly syllabic selection. Man, I love that first minute or so though.

I'll save the rest of this rant for later. I hope to write an article highlighting songs that would be totally awesome, but are instead just great because of this muscial cop-out.

iiz out